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Pit

March 8, 2014
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This pit in my stomach. This uneasy feeling. I have had it for years. When I am about to do an exam, when I have a big purchase to make, when thing get tense with my parents or siblings – all the time. But over the last year it has gotten worse. I must say mainly fuelled by crap issues at work. I really don’t think it is the run of the mill anxiety. It is something more.

I tried some calming tablets – absolutely useless. Therapy is not an option (just trust me on this one, it isn’t). I only seem to get better when I watch or read romance movies/novels. Preferably period dramas. They really make me smile and more importantly and cornily(is that a word?) , my heart sing. I forget my anxieties and the many things I am worried about and I just smile and feel giddy and happy.

 

I just wanted to share that with anyone that wanted to read it.

Ally.

A Critical Paper on Christopher’s Determination to take the A-level exams

January 21, 2013

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time is a novel that is narrated by its main character, a 15 year old autistic boy named Christopher John Francis Boone. At the start of the novel, and for most of the story, Christopher lives in a house in Swindon, England with his father. As is expected for a child with Asperger Syndrome he attends a school for children with learning disabilities and ‘special needs’. A casual bystander may not expect a child with learning disabilities to sit what are effectively university entrance exams. This lack of expectation is apparently shared by the headmistress at Christopher’s school, Mrs. Gascoyne. It is revealed in the chapter numbered 71 that the school does not have the resources to proctor A-level exams and Mrs. Gascoyne did not want Christopher to take the exam because to allow him to do so would mean that he is being treated differently from other students and she did not want other students to make requests for different or special treatment. Oddly, she appeared not to be concerned with whether Christopher actually had the intellectual capacity to take the exams.

 

Christopher’s capacity is evident as he regularly considers mathematical equations and he has a DVD-like memory. In chapter 71 the reader is told that sitting and passing the A-level exams is the first rung on the ladder he has set up for himself. Whereas he, some what arrogantly, states that all the other children at his school are stupid, after taking the exams he will go on to university to study math or physics or both. After which, he will get a job and either hire a lady to undertake domestic duties or marry someone that will. In essence, he is determined to sit his exams as they will allow him to achieve his long-term goal of companionship.   

 

As indicated above, Christopher is as confident in his mathematical abilities as he is in the intellectual shortcomings of his schoolmates.  His labelling of persons as ‘stupid’ is not limited to his schoolmates he also extends this honour in the chapter numberd 47 to Terry, the older brother of a classmate, that made derisive comments on the types of jobs Christopher was likely to secure in the future. Citing his father’s words of encouragement, Christopher tells Mr. Jeavons, the psychologist, why he dismisses Terry’s comments and reaffirms that Christopher is going to college to study mathematics. Successfully completing the exams will also give him the opportunity to become an astronaut which he states in the chapter numbered 83 would be a ‘dream come true’.

 

When it is discovered in the final chapter of the novel that Christopher attained an A grade on each section of the exam, despite the upheaval in his life that took place immediately prior to the date he sat the exam, it comes as no surprise to the reader. Throughout the novel Christopher uses and prefers numbers and logic instead of emotions.  In the chapter numbered 7 the reader is told that he mostly reads books on maths and science and he does not like ‘proper novels’; in the chaptered numbered 89 on a ‘Black Day’ he sits in the corner all day reading his A-level math book, he even devotes an entire chapter in his whodunit story to explaining an apparently incongruous math problem, the Monty Hall Problem. In the chapter numbered 181 he explains the difference between his perceptions and that of a ‘normal’ person. He states that where someone else standing in a field may notice some cows, a few clouds and a village, Christopher would take note of how many cows were present, the exact number of the ones that were brown and white and the exact number of visible houses. In the story, the reader is made aware that his pleasure in trains does not come from the journey or social aspect but from the time table, schedule and routes. As he explains in the chapter numbered 193 he likes the certainty of the numbers and time. Throughout the novel he reports on the exact, not approximate, time of events such as when he found, Mrs. Shears’ dog, Wellington and when he regained full awareness at the train station in the chapter numbered 227.

 

This is further substantiated in his not trusting confusing emotions or facial expressions. He loves dogs because, as he explains in the chapter numbered 5, dogs have only 4 facial expressions all of which he can comprehend. This love for things that he can comprehend explains to the reader his love for math and science. In the chapter numbered 151 he states that science has found and will continue to find explanations for the mysteries persons were and are unable to explain. In other words, for him, science makes the mysterious comprehensible.

 

In his own way numbers and logic trigger emotions in Christopher. Whereas another person may feel that it is a good day when the sun is out or if they hear the birds singing it is a good day for Christopher when the school bus passes 4 red cars in a row and it is a ‘Super Super Good Day’ when there are nine red cars in a row.

 

This black-and-white numbers and logic dominated approach, as one can imagine, causes difficulties when Christopher interacts with other persons, who are influenced by unquantifiable, and sometimes inexplicable, human emotions and actions. When he discovers that his father lied to him about his mothers’ death and killed Wellington, his father is immediately, a liar and a murderer. Someone to be feared and shunned. The idea that, his father may have been frustrated or that his father’s actions even if not excusable, may be understandable, appears not to be entertained by Christopher. He immediately chooses to go and live with his mother. The reader is in effect told that the logical response to discovering that the parent with which you live is a liar and murderer is to leave that abode and go and live with the other parent. All other considerations, including the feelings of all persons involved, the practicality of the move, even the thoughts of the adults concerned are irrelevant.

 

All previous connection to his life with his father appears irrelevant in his quest to stay with his mother except for his pet rat Toby and, of course, sitting his A-level exams.  When his mother informs him in the chapter numbered 233 that she called his school and told the administrators that he would not be sitting the exams he screams and stops eating, apparently engaging in a full-blown panic attack. He subsequently fortunately, with his teacher’s assistance, sits the exam.

 

In conclusion, his determination to sit the exams was evident throughout the story and there appeared to be no instance, notwithstanding his mother’s proclamations, his fear of his father, or the tension between the adults in his life; where he even entertained the idea that he may not be able to take them. In his mind, it can be assumed, he had studied hard, familiarised himself with the necessary mathematical formulas, had planned to take the exams for years, had set his university and career goals and now sitting the exams, regardless of contemporaneous events, was the only logical option.

Pirate Ally

January 5, 2013

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Updates

December 17, 2011

It’s been a while beautiful people. So much to report. Work has been crazy. Lots of it. Demands from bosses, clients, other attorneys- it’s like you can never see an end in sight. Therefore I believe I have to make my ‘end’ and give myself a break. I have a friend that sees my point absolutely. That’s refreshing. I don’t agree with his style on everything but I feel like he gets me.

I feel I have been a little better in relation to keeping up with my other friends. Calling people I don’t usually do, sending some more bbs and facebook messages. I have a long way to go but i think i’ve made a good start.

My ‘cyclical’ nature has kicked in again but I believe it’s for the good. Choir practice has been dropped but I will still support then whenever I can. My fervour for Bleach has wained but if I hear about a good romance anime, I’m ready to download. Tennis not really wained just on a lull, I ‘m sure in a month’s time I’ll be gung ho on it again.

Still nervous and anxious a lot. Prayer is the answer I am sure. So let me get ready for church.

Happy Sabbath!

Outlook

January 30, 2011

I don’t want to look into a cracked mirror. It messes with my spirit. Reminds me of yet another mess that I have to fix or clean up. It was like the concert yesterday. I walked all the way up to thr third floor no problems. and then when i was supposed to go back down. Anxiety gripped me. truly gripped me. I felt like i was gonna fall over if I had to walk back down. But God was there for me, As He always has been, as I have never deserved. I love him for being there for me. I need Him now more than ever.

Pap Smears

January 5, 2011

Look here, I don’t like sex.  I dont like it because it involves someone shoving a penis into my vagina. I am not comfortable with ANYONE shoving ANYTHING into my vagina. So I went to the doc today and she gave me a pap smear. I had no idea what that thing involved until today. Let me tell you what it involves. It involves this woman taking a metal turkeybaster sized claw and then forcing it into my vagina and them OPENING it in there. It is painful as hell and then -wait for it- she tells me to ‘Relax.’ Ofcourse I can relax with her shoving this thing into my most sensitive hole!

She then proceeds to inform me that if I had been having sex regularly – like everyday- it would have been more comfortable. Well there it is ladies. Let a man climb on top of you and shove his penis into you on a daily basis so that your annual Pap will be more tolerable. WTF!

 

I want a man that loves me enough to not give a damn about this whole sex shit. Or maybe I’ll meet a guy that I’ll love enough so I’ll just ‘relax’. Is it a good thing to change for someone your  in love with though? I think that’s a question for another post.

The Altar Call

December 13, 2010

Two things they need to stop doing at church. Well three things.

 

1. Stop embarrassing visitors by making spectacles of them.

2. Stop doing the Altar Call of EVERY SERMON. By doing it every time it becomes routine and loses the feel of the Holy Spirit ‘calling you’ or ‘moving you’ to go up. And I think will soon cause people to ignore it as being expected.

3. Do not read commercial announcements during service. I am not impressed with people using Church notice time to flog their evening classes and extra lessons.